Nothing Compares
by muffin-dragon227
Summary: He's holding on to something that use to be there. Hoping that one day it might come back… only he knows it won't. (Gruvia, set during the one year time skip.)
1. Dreams

**Author's Note:** Okay so this is a belated present for my darling Meg aka. Fauxtr0t or Bequietmeg on Tumblr. Technically this is just something to tide you over until your actual gift is ready, because it's written but it's super rough and needs a ton of work. But really I adore you so much, and I hope this silly little drabble (based off your headcanon) makes you smile. I have at least one more and might have a couple other ideas so this might just become a small collection.

Also I have to give Momo Cicerone (aka Momociceron on Tumblr) a ton of credit for this. A lot of my inspiration came from your last chapter of Into Your Gravity which I strongly recommend you go read as well.

Finally I just wanted to say that I know a lot of people are against Gray leaving Juvia, and I get that and while I hope it's not the case it is a possibility and this fic is just a means of exploring that.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Fairy Tail, or any of the characters in this story. I will not be making any money from this story.

* * *

Gray wakes in the early hours of the morning, a layer of cold sweat covering his body, and his heart is hammering against his chest. His breath comes in short gasps and he can feel the stiff trail of dried tears on his cheeks. Instinctively he looks at the empty space beside him and panics.

He's half dressed and lurching across the room before he remembers. Remembers that she's not supposed to be there. It's been almost a month but when he wakes like this he forgets. Forgets that she's not with him, and that he left her behind. It's moments like this when he questions whether he made the right choice, because he can't deny that he misses her.

He swears he can still feel her warmth and remember with perfect clarity the gentle caressing touch she would use to sooth him. He remembers the way she would look, how she'd be wide awake within moments and the way her ocean blue eyes would soften. Her pale skin would be illuminated by the moon, or sometimes by the first rays of the sun and he swears she glowed. She'd be perched beside him at first; always conscious of giving him space, allowing him time to come back to reality. And then, as his breathing would even out, she would reach out. Her fingers would feather against his skin, along his arm or back, whatever was within her reach, until he would give into the tenderness of her touch.

He'd practically throw himself against her some nights, while others he'd grip her and pull her into him. He fought it at first, but in the end he couldn't help himself. He couldn't keep his distance, not physically or emotionally.

That's why he had to leave. He'd written her a million excuses, all scribbled hastily on a single piece of paper in the predawn light. He'd listed every rational reason he could think. Told her how it wasn't safe, how it wasn't fair and how he couldn't focus if he had to worry about someone else. But the single truth was that he'd grown comfortable with her and it scared him.

He'd been so busy fighting against all the over the top public displays and declarations he'd completely missed all the small changes. Suddenly he was waking up with her nestled in his embrace, his fingers would seek to touch her without reason, and hugs and hand holding offered warmth and comfort. And he started to wonder what it would be like to kiss her, to let his touches wander farther, to truly give in. Somehow she'd found a way to seep through all his defenses until he found himself wanting and needing her in ways he swore he never would.

Gray sighed and fell back onto the bed and stared out the window behind it. The sun had yet to break on the horizon but the sky was clear of clouds. It was going to be a sunny day, and his gut twisted with guilt and disdain. He remembered how just over an hour after leaving her the sky had suddenly darkened and he'd had to wait for his train in the pouring rain. He swore the storm had followed him, but after a week it relented.

At first it he was relieved but now... now he wondered where she was. He wondered if she was okay, and if the rain still followed her. Deep down he knew it would, and that it was his fault. He'd crossed a line that day, and no matter how much he told himself it was for her own good he couldn't help but feel like he'd abandoned her. The suns rays stung his eyes and he cursed himself, because he didn't deserve to see the light when he'd left her behind in the darkness.

He released another sigh and forced himself to get up and finish dressing before heading out. Laying around wouldn't do any good, and he couldn't undo what he'd done. Besides, maybe now she'd move on and find someone worthy of bringing sunshine into her life.

Lyon sprang to mind and he fought back a wave of nausea, telling himself it was just hunger. He'd go buy breakfast in a few hours once businesses started to open, and he'd try to convince himself it was just as good as anything she cooked, because what right did he have to miss her?


	2. Storms

**Author's Note:** I'm back with Chapter 2! I want thank everyone who read, reviewed, favourited and/or followed this little story. I can't promise that the next update will come quite as quickly, because these were the two main ideas in my head but there will be more coming. So please be patient with me.

If anyone has any suggestions or ideas feel free to throw them out there.

**Title:** Storms  
**Rating:** K (For this part at least)  
**Description:** "Some people feel the rain, others just get wet" - Bob Marley

* * *

The rain falls in a steady downpour as he rushes from cover to cover trying desperately not to get soaked. It's an impossible mission and finally he stops under a shop awning for a brief respite. He quickly realizes he's lost his shirt somewhere along the way and curses himself for it as he shivers slightly. Normally the cold doesn't bother him, but the rain has a way of seeping into his skin and taking the cold bone deep.

It unsettles him a little, because the storm reminds him of her, and the day they first met. In his mind the rain was warm then, not bitter and chilled. But perhaps that was just her. He shivers again and rubs his arms against his bare skin for warmth.

A brief flash of a pink umbrella catches his attention from the corner of his eye and he instantly focuses on it. Only it's not her umbrella, it's plain with a white ruffle on the edge and little gems hanging from it. Gray shakes his head. The oddest things remind him of her lately, and he's stopped denying how badly he misses her.

He'd forgotten how much he used to spend on clothes and food, how quiet life was before she came along. He'd forgotten how much he use to dwell on everything. For the last two years he'd rarely had a moment alone. She'd been a constant presence, and while her over the top affection often annoyed him, he'd learned to enjoy the more peaceful moments between them. He never realized just how intertwined their lives were until she was no longer there.

Now his life had been thrown off kilter, and his mind fills her absence with thoughts of her. Everything triggers memories, and he feels haunted by ghost touches and the sound of her voice. Every girl with blue hair draws his attention; causing his heart to race with equal parts hope and anxiety. That is until he realizes it isn't her. A few times though, he'd been convinced it _was_ her,. It only ever ended with awkward apologies though. None of them were Juvia, and he'd long since stopped trusting his eyes on the matter.

It was stupid anyways, even if they had been her what good would it have done him? Nothing had changed, he was still in the same place and there was nothing he could say to her that wouldn't betray his original intent. He had no idea why he was so desperate to catch a glimpse of her anyways. Perhaps as a way to ease his guilt, reassure him that, if nothing else, she was alive. But she was strong, and more than capable so surely she was fine.

The rain wasn't letting up and Gray knew that he'd need to head back out into it soon, he had a client to meet after all. Another thing he missed, Juvia had been good about managing their money and even with two of them they hadn't needed to go on half as many jobs to get by.

As he steps towards the edge of the awning he swears he can feel someone watching him. He looks about for the source only to spot the pink umbrella again, further down but turned more in his direction, and beneath it he swears he can see locks of blue hair.

He shakes his head and wipes the water from his face. A part of his heart demands that he has to check, because it couldn't just be coincidence right? But he's not sure he can handle the heart wrenching disappointment that was sure to occur again. It was never her.

He looks back at the figure again, one last longing glance. He's unsure if it's the rain that's distorted her features, or just wishful thinking, but the stranger looked so much like Juvia at this distance. He was tempted and his heart whispered "just one more time".

But Gray was never one to heed his heart. If he was he would still be with her, and not just imagining she was within reach. He turns from the girl and steps out into the storm. Ice cold droplets pelt his skin and he forces himself to hurry down the road in the opposite direction of the phantom woman he'd been so enraptured with.

Inside his heart was aching and he knew he'd dream of her tonight. Because in his dreams it was ALWAYS Juvia.

* * *

Just in case anyone isn't 100% sure, yes that was actually Juvia. Anyways hope you all enjoyed this. Please read and review.


	3. Voices

**Author's Note: **

Okay so I'm so sorry this took so long, but the good news is I have a plan! You can thank storyquipster for that, because seriously without her this was going nowhere. Anyways this is going to vaguely tie into the manga plot up to chapter 425 in a few ways, but obviously with some tweeks.

For those of you wondering about Juvia's perspective I'm afraid that's not happening with this fic. Maybe once I'm done I'll go back and write a companion piece but I want to keep this as Gray's perspective. I feel like he's getting a lot of hate right now and I want to offer up some thoughts as to why he is where he is.

However if you do want some Juvia POV I totally recommend checking out THIS lovely fic by Momo Cicerone. It broke my heart to pieces.

**Title:** Voices  
**Rating:** T (for swearing)  
**Description:** "There's something inside me that crawls beneath the surface, consuming, confusing." - Linkin Park _Crawling_.

* * *

Gray's fingers drum against the wooden table as he glances at the clock once more. This isn't the first time she's kept him waiting and he hates it. It irritates him all the more because _she_ never made him wait. He shakes the thought from his head and takes a large swig of his beer as his eyes wander the crowd.

He's tucked away in a dark corner of the local pub, and it's well into the night. Most of the patrons are drunk and chatting, creating a cacophony of sound that kept most conversations from being heard. All but one group. They're seated too closely, and were particularly drunk and boisterous. Each man speaking louder than the last making it impossible not to hear them at this distance. It would be perfect, if he was having the conversation he was meant to. But she's late and no matter how he tries he can't block out their words.

"You think that's bad! I had to up and move my entire family from our home town because of mages. I mean they seemed like sweet kids when they moved in but six months later and he's up and left her and suddenly it's pouring rain non-stop!" Gray can feel his heart stop and his eyes immediately seek out the speaker.

He instantly recognizes the man and his stomach rolls. It's only been in the last month that he's finally managed to regain his focus. He's trained even harder than before, pushing his limits more and more each day. The overwhelming feelings of guilt and anxiety that were plaguing him have been stuffed away, leaving a numbness in their place. But that's how it has to be. He needs to hold it together, needs to keep moving forward.

_That's right, consequences be damned so long as you're focused._

Suddenly every feeling he's managed to suppress comes rushing back full force. He feels like he's drowning, caught by a tidal wave of emotion and dragged under water. Why was she still there? She couldn't possibly be waiting for him. Not after what he'd done.

His mind is screaming at him to leave. To just get up and go. He can't think about her anymore, he has a mission and he needs to keep moving forward. But it's that mission that keeps him glued in place. He needs to be here. He needs to see her again because this is what he's been waiting and training for. A real lead, and he's already done all the work to get in, he just needs to sit and wait.

Gray takes a deep breath and tries to calm the storm raging in his heart. He tries harder to block out their voices, to think of something else, anything! But he can't undo what he's already heard, and even if there was a way to drown them out now, some part of him needs to hear more.

"Seriously though, she won't leave! Not for more than a day or two at a time. It's messed up! Can't say I blame her boyfriend for taking off, I would too. I wouldn't want to live in constant rain, it's depressing!"

Gray's blood is boiling and he grips the edge of the table to keep from launching himself at the man. What the fuck is wrong with this asshole? The rain wasn't her fault. His actions were what caused the rain. His selfishness, his fears. He'd run from her, and left her right back where he'd found her that day they first met. Trapped in an unending storm that no one could stop.

Had they all left her? Turned their backs like this man had, telling themselves it was her fault. Couldn't they see she needed help? Why did people continue to blame her for something she couldn't control? Why did she have to suffer alone?

_Because you're a coward._

A cold shiver runs down his spine and he can feel his right arm itching.

Before he can register his own actions the chair is scraping loudly against the floor and he's standing. His blood is pounding in his ears and his hands clench into fists. He's gonna make this guy eat his words. No one's supposed to talk about her like that anymore. No one's allowed to hurt her.

_No one but you. _

"Gray-sama?" A soft hand lands on his shoulder, bringing him back to himself. Gray takes a deep breath and glares down at the girl beside him. Her bright golden eyes widen in alarm, but he finds himself unable to care.

"Sorry to keep you waiting so long! You weren't going to leave were you?" She's looking at him hopefully and his gut twists.

It's not the first time this girl has reminded reminded him of Juvia. At first it shocked him, they didn't even look alike. She was pink and gold, bright colors, wild and glaring. Whereas Juvia was blue and white, cool colours, soft and serene. In that they were opposites, and yet the way the girl looked at him, the way she called his name….

Each and every time he saw the girl he left behind. The girl he'd never once deserved. The girl that was somehow still waiting for him, right back where he left her. All alone in the rain.

Was this really worth it? Surely there would be another lead. So what if he'd spend the last month trying to prove himself to get in… he knew where she was. He could just go home to her.

_And pretend this never happened? Pretend you didn't abandon her? What have you done to deserve the right to love her? Why would she take you back now, when you ruined the only good thing you've ever done for her?_

_**Because she loves you.**_

There's a moment of blinding pain before he's able to open his eyes. Mary looks both terrified and awed at the same time, and again he sees Juvia in her place.

Gray looks down at the black marks that have climbed even further up his arm. Can he really go back to her like this? Having accomplished nothing, gotten nowhere…. He wants to go back, he really does, but how can he? If he goes back she's going to realise he's nothing but a fraud. That he's not the man she thinks he is.

He's never saved anyone in his life, least of all her.

"Gray-sama, are you okay?" Gray blinks at the girl in front of him, realizing he hasn't addressed her once.

"I'm fine. What's the verdict?"

She smiled at him brightly. "Grandpa says you're in." Her smile falters and she looks at him nervously. "Just don't tell him I kept you waiting."

Gray reaches out and places his darkened hand on her head. He's not sure how a sweet kid like her got mixed up in a guild like Avatar, but then again he's always wondered how Juvia ended up in Phantom Lord.

He sighs and offers the girl a smirk. "I won't tell a soul, I promise."

When she offers him another smile his heart lightens a bit. In her he sees a solution to his problems. He still has a mission, but he has another purpose as well. He'll protect this girl, he'll save her and this time it won't be some fluke.

And once he's done he'll go home to _her_, having done something worthy of love she feels.

When he goes home he'll be the hero she keeps telling him he is.

* * *

I'm sorry, please don't hate me! If anyone's a bit confused about the italics, I'm going with the idea that Gray is in control of his thoughts and actions but all of his negative feelings (vengeance, guilt, anger, etc.) are feeding the darkness and the further he drifts the stronger it's hold.


End file.
